Come See Me on the Radio

Just a quick hello and a couple of links.

The first is a segment from The Cerebral Circus with Kenny Jay on D-Rock radio. I had the pleasure of spending some time with them last night along with Executive Producer of Dragontown Burlesque and the Pennsylvania Burlesque Festival talking about a myriad of topics--more to come.

The second link is to the website for the studio I am feverishly working on. Please feel free to sing up for the E-Newsletter. Will be back to write more soon.


Radio Show

Jim Thorpe Arts in Motion

A Plan in Motion

I'm opening a dance/fitness/arts studio. There you go. I have no clever way of introducing the topic--I have no clever way to introduce any topic--I'm too damn tired to be clever. The hows and whys are all very intriguing and all very time consuming, here is what you need to know:

1. During my time away from mommyhood and burlesque I teach a very small early education movement and music program. I teach in semesters and rent space here and there as I can afford it. I was scrambling for a place this summer and ended up in an empty storefront.

2.The storefront had real potential but knew I could not afford to keep it going myself and thought it would be good to have someone rent it with me. I had no clue who that would be.

3. Jacqueline Hyde  (whom I had the pleasure of meeting at the Jim Thorpe Burlesque Festival) approached me about participating in Cross Country Cabaret Project (you know about this if you read my last post) and was looking for local rehearsal space--oh, wait I'm renting an empty store front.....

4. Then after alot of emails, phone calls, list making, midnight pacing, credit card charges, internet searching, text messages, credit card charges, bank transactions, nail biting, diarrhea, daydreaming, credit card charges, fireside chats, picture taking, bouts of anxiety and credit card charges later..

the stage was set to create Jim Thorpe Arts in Motion.

I don't know if I'm a genius or I did too many whippets that summer in college but either way the "full frontal mom" is adding business owner to her list of  credentials and of course, not without the help of some really wonderful people who will be teaching at the studio this fall as well. I'm equally excited, frustrated and terrified. To me this indicates it's worth taking on.

I  want JTAIM, as I've been abbreviating it, to be a success. It should be the type of space where the participants and teachers feel comfortable enough to try new things. They should feel supported but not pushed. I'd like on any given day of the week there to be a variety of things going on from the early education program I teach, to burlesque and cabaret arts (click here now!) , to yoga, to writing, stand up comedy, etc., ect. We are starting small but there is so much potential for growth.

For being an "arts" community I don't see the art involving much of the local community or challenging it in any way to participate. I would like JTAIM to bridge that gap. I think the community is ready and willing for something different, a mix of classes and experiences that are meant to get people feeling good about themselves and in touch with their own creativity. A place where their kids can come and be introduced to music and dance without becoming a "toddlers in tiaras" cliche. No crappy Waiting for Guffman style community theater, no recitals that go on all afternoon, no clique-ie gym locker room. Just art, expression, health, discovery, joy, support, learning--those are the things I wish for people.

Of course, this means big changes in my personal life. I guess I'm going back to work--I wasn't planning on doing that for at least two more years. My somewhat separate lives are going to converge---mom, business owner, teacher, stripper under one roof and very much in public. Regardless of the studio this is ideally how things should be. I want to be who I am on all fronts---anything less is starting to feel like a big lie.

 I daydream about the studio being a success and about people embracing the idea of all it could be and hopefully will be. I want my family to be proud of me. I want my husband to say "there goes my wife, did you know she owns her own business AND she's the greatest mom in the world AND she's a burlesque dancer?" I want people to feel empowered by the idea of being a "full frontal mom" rather than making any unfair assumptions. On a good day this is where the Little Engine that Could is headed.

On the days when my "to do" list didn't get done, when  I didn't read enough with my son or made sure he ate enough vegetables, or when I let fear creep into my vocabulary, I sit in the bathroom and cry for a while. The truth of it is--my "to do" list has never been done, you can never read enough and I dare you to find a three year old boy who wouldn't rather have a marshmallow than eat his broccoli.

I'll take my turkey with a side of guilt, please..

So by now I guess you figured out, if you follow along here, that I did not make it into The New York Burlesque Festival Star Search Show. Don't fret. There's always next year. Interestingly, I now find myself unable to participate due to other commitments. I've been keeping a stiff upper lip regarding the projects I'm currently involved in because of a couple loose ends that needed tying up.

I am incredibly proud to announce that I will be competing in the US Open Swing Dance Championship along with the cast of the Cross Country Cabaret Project! Held this November in Burbank, California it is one of the largest and oldest national dance competitions in the country. I will be performing in the Cabaret Division along with two of my fellow cast members, Jacqueline Hyde and Deb O'Naire. Our other cast member, Venus Mantrapp, has a prior commitment and will not be able to make it this time. I had the pleasure of working with all three ladies at the Jim Thorpe Burlesque Festival this past April and I'm really looking forward to taking on new projects with them!

The Cross Country Cabaret Project is unique in that the goal is to rotate burlesque and cabaret artists from the East Coast and West Coast to perform at different venues all over the country. Not only will this venture bring together dancers from across the country to share ideas and perform together but it will open the doors to many different types of performance experiences--be it competitions, private events or touring shows. Please visit the website if you get a chance. There is an area to contribute funds to get us off and running! Any donation is much appreciated.

Never in my wildest dreams, not even as a chubby little Bunny in ballet class, did I think I would ever  see a national dance competition, let alone participate in one! Never. Not even when I was dancing four days a week all through high school. Never. And now I find myself not only in the company of some very talented, funny, fabulous, professional women, but I get to go to California--which I've never seen-- and I get to dance!?

There's just one catch. There always is. I won't be home for Thanksgiving. Most likely I will be traveling on Thanksgiving. I could handle it better if I were a single person but this is going to mean leaving my husband and my little three year old pilgrim. I don't go very far without one or the other of them--ever--let alone on a holiday. 

At first I thought maybe we'd make a little family vacation out of it. We'd do the dance competition and then drive to Disneyland and do a couple days there before heading home. It sounded good until Mr. Bedford pointed out that perhaps a longer flight on the busiest travel day of the year was not a good time for a three year old's first experience on a plane. Perhaps, also, a dance competition would not be the most "fun" father-son adventure while Mommy would be off rehearsing and such. So the family decision was made that I would go on an adventure to California, and the boys will be spending Thanksgiving at home with Grammy and the rest of the crew.

As a dancer, I'm elated. As a mom, I'm feeling a little guilty. I'm having trouble reconciling the two. The California trip also forced me to "come out of the closet" to my in-laws, seeing as I would be suspiciously absent from the Thanksgiving table. The conversation went well. I did have to explain what cabaret dance was a couple times, and where I was going and then what burlesque is and how it's different from cabaret--"Oh, so you're a stripper..." no, no, no... "you take your clothes off, that makes you a stripper...." Ok. I could have belabored the point but at that moment, floating around the swimming pool with three generations of in-law women, they seemed to be really accepting of my "being a stripper". 

And no one, surprisingly, took any issue with me spending time and money to go off on a trip; leaving my poor defenseless boys on a major family holiday with not even a pan of brownies to bring for the dessert table. By lunch time it was a non-issue; for everyone except me. I made Mr. Bedford promise that we could schedule our own Thanksgiving the weekend after--construction paper Indian headdresses and pilgrim hats and all. 

To top it off, I think we have a really good chance of winning the Cabaret Division! It's a huge step in the journey and a lovely unexpected opportunity. I really want to do well, for myself and my colleagues. I also want to do well for all the moms who'll be sneaking another beer while stirring the gravy, avoiding family members in the kitchen and wishing to go some place warm for a holiday, just once. 

Moving forward, using all my breath......

I thought I'd take a few minutes this morning while the boys are still sleeping to update everyone on the latest happenings in the world of Bunny! I have to say that the last couple of months have been an amazing, eye opening experience. So many unexpected opportunities have crossed my path and I hope to report back soon with positive news on all of them.

Today I am gearing up for a "One Day Burlesque Basics" workshop with the Philadelphia School of Burlesque.This is a workshop focusing on the history of the art form, classic movements AND pastie making--which I am particularly excited about because I haven't made a set yet. I  would like to make my own in the future. The class comes at a good time since I need to start preparing for the upcoming BOOlesque show at the Sherman Theater in Stroudsburg!

This show is going to be outrageous!! If you can make it, please come. I promise whatever Halloween weekend plans you have pale in comparison to how good this show is going to be. I am very excited to be included in the line up! Tickets can be purchased through Ticketmaster, so please check it out.

Throughout my daily comings and goings---grocery shopping, walking the dog, doing dishes, etc.---I've been drifting off into my own thoughts quite a bit. Happily I am able to report that where there has been fear, doubt and frustration many times; confidence, hopefulness and a clearer vision of who I am and who I want to be--aside from a mom, or a wife--are starting to bubble to the surface of my thought process. Its percolation is a powerful driving force to move forward, take bold steps and  surround myself with like-minded people.

I hope to share more and more good news with you soon!

I applied for the New York Burlesque Festival.....sort of....

Today I applied for the New York Burlesque Festival Star Search show. The top ten selected applicants perform live at the Star Search show, the top three get a performance slot at the NY Burlesque Festival and cash prize. A panel of judges and audience response determines the winners. This event is taking place in Asbury Park, New Jersey--a summertime stomping ground for a young Bunny Bedford. I have close family members within spitting distance!

In the last five to ten years there has been a major revitalization effort in Asbury Park. New businesses and nightlife on the boardwalk, cleaned up more family-friendly beaches with a great boardwalk spray park and beach playground, concert and performance venue rehab, etc. The area is beginning to resemble the once gated neighboring community of Ocean Grove.  Much of the facelift is due to the hard work and determination of the GLBT community and GLBT business owners. This community of people manages to find the "diamonds in the rough" all over this country and works hard to bring  the original charm and character back to the most neglected places. While there are many groups and funding sources that have come into Asbury Park---it all started with the gay community (in my opinion). The Burlesque community has also embraced it as a performance venue---and how could you not? It's got that whole haunted 1930's "it spot" thing going for it, a legendary rock-n-roll town between The Stone Pony and Convention Hall and the whole urban kitschy artsy vibe. You can stand on any street corner and witness the evolution (or devolution) of the town reflected in the architectural landscape. Peaks and valleys of crumbling, burnt out buildings next to high rise condos, boarded up beach shacks and Victorian mansions with gingerbread trim all leading to the sea. I contemplate moving there about every six months!

Anyway, it's funny how things come full circle. Here is the link to a blog post from last November all about my grandmother who raised her kids at the Jersey Shore and still lives there, and how I wanted to tell her about the whole burlesque thing because her heyday was the heyday of burlesque.

Myth, Legend, Grandmother

It would absolutely incredible to participate in this show as a performer and on a personal level. I think the chances of being accepted as one of the ten are slim to none. I will know by the end of July. I plan on attending either way. Maybe I'll invite my Grandmother......

Gender and my Three Year Old

My three year old was admiring my tangerine toenail polish while crouching over his potty seat. Previously, he balked at my "lady hands"--painted fingernails. This morning, though, he was eager to have his toenails painted; insisting that he was, in fact,"... a LADY"!! I made a half-hearted effort to talk him out of it. The whole this is for boys only and this is for girls only  argument really doesn't appeal to me and I don't like to rely on it in my parenting. In truth, I can't think of a single thing, with the exception of urinals perhaps, that is categorically a male only thing.  It was also easier to humor him than to explain why his is, in fact, NOT a lady.

Gender is hot topic--particularly in the realm of parenting these days. I know my values. I know what gender isn't for me. For me it has little to do with toys, clothing, or genitalia for that matter. Maybe I should rephrase and say that I think gender and gender identity are two very different albeit equally important concepts. Growing up I was just as interested in my rock collection, dinosaurs and He-Man as I was sparkly dresses, ballet class and playing house. The culmination of varied experiences and interests as well as early exposure to the GLBT community, I think, has given me  a well-rounded personal gender identity. It is something  I want for my son. 

There are a multitude of educational toys and books geared to make children "well-rounded" in the areas of art, music, foreign language, etc. but I am not sure about gender identity. Sure there are picture books with female doctors, daddies with babies and so on but they don't really address the central points I'm trying to communicate. For me, most of the cartoons and stories with the girls-can-be-whatever-they-want-when-they-grow-up message still leave me with the thinly veiled  ...in spite of your vagina and seemingly weaker constitution subtext.  I don't want to raise him to think we should all be some kind of androgynous robots but at the same time I don't want to focus on physical gender as the primary way to identify ones sense of self. And what you can do in spite of it. I don't know if that makes sense or not.

 For instance, about a month ago he was very interested in mommy's lipstick. He painstakingly applied it all the while checking himself out in the bathroom mirror. Then he took equal time and attention to put lipstick on mommy too. We made a deal--he could wear lipstick in the house but not outside. When we go outside, we can wear chapstick. This lasted little more than a week.

Since then he's moved on to squishing bugs, collecting worms, rough housing with dad and so on---lots of boy stuff. As I write this there is a plastic water bottle full of beetles in my refrigerator.  More and more of a male essence, a typical male persona is coming out in the way he plays with other kids. Now that we're getting through potty training, he has a keen awareness of and interest in his penis. I like to nurture his curiosity. I like to answer his questions as honestly and fully as I think he can handle. I never shame him or embarrass him--about his body, an accident, whatever. That is one thing which really pisses me off--when I see an adult try to shame or embarrass a child--even in a playful way. And yet for all the times I've given myself a pat on the back, there are those few times when I garble the message.

A couple of days ago I was in Wal-Mart looking for a fold up potty seat to keep in the car for in restaurants, etc. When I looked the first time there were a bunch to choose from. When I went back this time to actually purchase one the choices were Tinkerbell or Belle from Beauty and the Beast. So I didn't buy it. What's the big deal? It's a  plastic ring. The week before they had Winnie the Pooh--but on this day only girl seats. Silly, I know. Another time he and I were talking about going pee pee standing up like Daddy and he asked why I didn't do that ---"because I don't have a penis" was my quick response without thinking. Thankfully, it was accepted  without having to explain male and female anatomy to a three year old. I wish I would have just said I like to sit down to pee instead of pointing out the obvious difference in our parts.

Don't get me wrong--I like my parts. I'm diving into an artistic medium that celebrates all things girls--make up, hair, glitter and boobs! Good thing there's boylesque and drag too to round out my son's education in gender identity--when the time is right! In the meantime, we made a compromise on the tangerine toenail polish. He could wear it all day today--to the pool and everything--but tonight it had to come off before bed.

 I know it may seem like a big fuss. I know it may seem like a muddled philosophy but I am a work in progress as a burlesque dancer and as a parent. Raising a son who appreciates nail polish as well as spiders in many ways is just as important to me as raising him to appreciate Matisse and Michelangelo--only I haven't found the Baby Einstein DVD on gender exploration yet. Let me know if you find one!

Swan, Nematode or Peacock

I remember summer vacation from school seeming like it was a whole year unto itself. Magical transformations happened during the summer. Classmates emerged in the fall either a swan--with new boobs or a great haircut, or as nematodes--with acne and headgear.  This fall, friends,  I plan to emerge as a peacock (yeah I know the male peacocks are the fancy ones--that's just the rules of the animal kingdom--just go with the freakin' visual).

I don't know where to go now with the whole peacock thing....I'm not gonna strut around and make that horrible noise.....so let me lead in here by saying that some really cool opportunities have come my way recently. Opportunities that will take a lot of hard work over this summer and into the fall. Ones I couldn't have anticipated but that feel right--which are always the best kind of surprises.

As you know, in my life to the side of this project I am a mom and wife. I also have a very small business--another "side project" of sorts. This small business has the opportunity to expand and grown in ways I didn't think would be possible and yet I can almost reach out and touch it. Mind bending, fantastic and still not completely certain. Once I get a go ahead I will be posting on the progress on a (hopefully) regular basis.

I have applied for the Jim Thorpe Burlesque Boolesque   show coming up in October at the Sherman Theater. I should know by mid July--so keep your fingers crossed for me. I have started to develop my act, at least in my head, so look for more details on that later.

There is another absolutely amazing event happening in late fall that I plan on being a part of. One that will take Mrs. Bunny Bedford somewhere she's only daydreamed about! and.......

my little man is going potty. Like a professional.

While everything seems to be coming into focus, the consequences this new direction may have on my parenting has me a little worried and confused. I hadn't planned on going back to "work" at least for another 2 or 3 years until my son starts school. And of course my goal is to be the supermom with the work/life balance that allows me a fulfilling career and the ability to walk my son to and from school with fresh chocolate chip cookies and lemonade at the ready. This image, this ideal, is ingrained in me. As unrealistic and artificial I know it is--the stuff of Leave it to Beaver and Make Room for Daddy--I still think it's achievable. Even though in the back of my mind I know I'm probably setting my self up for failure. I am not alone in the crux of this dilemma. I know there are tons and tons of parents all around the world struggling with the same thing. For many reasons I like to be really, really hard on myself in this aspect of my life.

 I am going to have to take some time and reroute  my thinking. The possibilities are too bright and bold to toss away in favor of chasing Donna Reed's apron strings. My son may be better off with a peacock than a swan anyway.

Hopefully lots of exciting news to come!