BOOlesque 2011 Video!!

Hi. I have a video to share with you :) Real communication coming soon. Sorry I have been away. Life has gotten wonderful and scary and so interesting and I can't wait to tell you all about it but some other things have just been keeping me so busy. And today there is no milk, eggs, juice, toilet paper or (gasp!) half and half in my entire house! So I gotta get my head out of the clouds and get back to being a domestic for a bit.

Please take a moment to check out the hard work of my colleagues and myself. Dragontown Burlesque is Jacqueline Hyde, Venus Mantrapp and myself. This is our debut number as this troupe at October's BOOlesque show! We are already starting rehearsals for the 2012 Pennsylvania Burlesque Festival! Details to come.


Dragontown Burlesque October 2011 at the Sherman Theater

Walking on hot coals. Digging through my purse.

I'm writing this now simply because it is a notation on a "to do" list that I will soon be able to check off. I never though I'd say that about this particular "side project" but it's the general fate of many different aspects, moments, obligations, events in my life these days. Whittled down to bullet points, hash marks, scribbled, rewritten, revised notations on scraps of papers folded and tamped down in the bottom of my purse. Down in the seams and frayed corners of the lining where little mounds of cigarette tobacco and musty blackened pennies used to live now dwells much of my sense of self.

How about that!? And you thought I wasn't going to write this anymore, didn't you? So did/do I. I don't know what I'm doing at the moment. I'm lost. I'm stuck somewhere between the beginning and end and am not sure which way to turn--not out of fear or anger but honest frustration and confusion. I am distracted and because of  this I feel ineffectual in every aspect of my life.

The studio is coming along and some of the classes have started and some more are going to start in November, which I should be and on some level am, excited about and proud of. Within the next couple of months I hope to have some kind of perspective on the whole thing--a slow motion-fist pump in the air-moment of triumph where self-doubt, anxiety and general fucking bleh melt away into the storm drain and I am left standing under the shining lamp post of my new day.

But as for right now, I'm an aspiring stripper who works with children, a stay-at-home mom who owns a business, a "CEO" without a paycheck, etc., etc., Trust me I'm really not complaining, I can't complain because I willingly brought it all on myself. I think I'm going through a little identity crisis or something. I've been home with my son for three and a half years and finally got into the groove of domesticity and made ultimate peace with not having a personal source of income. Now I've jumped head first into starting a small business in a horrible economy and all I think about is budgeting: time, money, and self.

I'm accustomed to describing myself as a stay-at-home mom and now I'm not sure where I fit. That may sounds silly--it does--but it's bothering me. It's not like I'm forging any kind of new frontier. Women take care of their kids and have side businesses or other sources of income all the time. It's multitasking on  a new level--matchsticks to hot coals.

I don't know if I'm going to be good at this. That's the issue. How do I know? What will it feel like? I'm a person who takes very calculated risks---I never "wing it" or "leave it in God's hands". I'm tired and frustrated and distracted and unsure--which seems to be the scary bit. Unsure. Being self-assured is a survival skill for me and I have crafted it over time--not cocky--confident in my abilities and perceived limitations and doing my personal best based on that.

Now I can cross this off my list. Sorry.

Come See Me on the Radio

Just a quick hello and a couple of links.

The first is a segment from The Cerebral Circus with Kenny Jay on D-Rock radio. I had the pleasure of spending some time with them last night along with Executive Producer of Dragontown Burlesque and the Pennsylvania Burlesque Festival talking about a myriad of topics--more to come.

The second link is to the website for the studio I am feverishly working on. Please feel free to sing up for the E-Newsletter. Will be back to write more soon.


Radio Show

Jim Thorpe Arts in Motion

A Plan in Motion

I'm opening a dance/fitness/arts studio. There you go. I have no clever way of introducing the topic--I have no clever way to introduce any topic--I'm too damn tired to be clever. The hows and whys are all very intriguing and all very time consuming, here is what you need to know:

1. During my time away from mommyhood and burlesque I teach a very small early education movement and music program. I teach in semesters and rent space here and there as I can afford it. I was scrambling for a place this summer and ended up in an empty storefront.

2.The storefront had real potential but knew I could not afford to keep it going myself and thought it would be good to have someone rent it with me. I had no clue who that would be.

3. Jacqueline Hyde  (whom I had the pleasure of meeting at the Jim Thorpe Burlesque Festival) approached me about participating in Cross Country Cabaret Project (you know about this if you read my last post) and was looking for local rehearsal space--oh, wait I'm renting an empty store front.....

4. Then after alot of emails, phone calls, list making, midnight pacing, credit card charges, internet searching, text messages, credit card charges, bank transactions, nail biting, diarrhea, daydreaming, credit card charges, fireside chats, picture taking, bouts of anxiety and credit card charges later..

the stage was set to create Jim Thorpe Arts in Motion.

I don't know if I'm a genius or I did too many whippets that summer in college but either way the "full frontal mom" is adding business owner to her list of  credentials and of course, not without the help of some really wonderful people who will be teaching at the studio this fall as well. I'm equally excited, frustrated and terrified. To me this indicates it's worth taking on.

I  want JTAIM, as I've been abbreviating it, to be a success. It should be the type of space where the participants and teachers feel comfortable enough to try new things. They should feel supported but not pushed. I'd like on any given day of the week there to be a variety of things going on from the early education program I teach, to burlesque and cabaret arts (click here now!) , to yoga, to writing, stand up comedy, etc., ect. We are starting small but there is so much potential for growth.

For being an "arts" community I don't see the art involving much of the local community or challenging it in any way to participate. I would like JTAIM to bridge that gap. I think the community is ready and willing for something different, a mix of classes and experiences that are meant to get people feeling good about themselves and in touch with their own creativity. A place where their kids can come and be introduced to music and dance without becoming a "toddlers in tiaras" cliche. No crappy Waiting for Guffman style community theater, no recitals that go on all afternoon, no clique-ie gym locker room. Just art, expression, health, discovery, joy, support, learning--those are the things I wish for people.

Of course, this means big changes in my personal life. I guess I'm going back to work--I wasn't planning on doing that for at least two more years. My somewhat separate lives are going to converge---mom, business owner, teacher, stripper under one roof and very much in public. Regardless of the studio this is ideally how things should be. I want to be who I am on all fronts---anything less is starting to feel like a big lie.

 I daydream about the studio being a success and about people embracing the idea of all it could be and hopefully will be. I want my family to be proud of me. I want my husband to say "there goes my wife, did you know she owns her own business AND she's the greatest mom in the world AND she's a burlesque dancer?" I want people to feel empowered by the idea of being a "full frontal mom" rather than making any unfair assumptions. On a good day this is where the Little Engine that Could is headed.

On the days when my "to do" list didn't get done, when  I didn't read enough with my son or made sure he ate enough vegetables, or when I let fear creep into my vocabulary, I sit in the bathroom and cry for a while. The truth of it is--my "to do" list has never been done, you can never read enough and I dare you to find a three year old boy who wouldn't rather have a marshmallow than eat his broccoli.

I'll take my turkey with a side of guilt, please..

So by now I guess you figured out, if you follow along here, that I did not make it into The New York Burlesque Festival Star Search Show. Don't fret. There's always next year. Interestingly, I now find myself unable to participate due to other commitments. I've been keeping a stiff upper lip regarding the projects I'm currently involved in because of a couple loose ends that needed tying up.

I am incredibly proud to announce that I will be competing in the US Open Swing Dance Championship along with the cast of the Cross Country Cabaret Project! Held this November in Burbank, California it is one of the largest and oldest national dance competitions in the country. I will be performing in the Cabaret Division along with two of my fellow cast members, Jacqueline Hyde and Deb O'Naire. Our other cast member, Venus Mantrapp, has a prior commitment and will not be able to make it this time. I had the pleasure of working with all three ladies at the Jim Thorpe Burlesque Festival this past April and I'm really looking forward to taking on new projects with them!

The Cross Country Cabaret Project is unique in that the goal is to rotate burlesque and cabaret artists from the East Coast and West Coast to perform at different venues all over the country. Not only will this venture bring together dancers from across the country to share ideas and perform together but it will open the doors to many different types of performance experiences--be it competitions, private events or touring shows. Please visit the website if you get a chance. There is an area to contribute funds to get us off and running! Any donation is much appreciated.

Never in my wildest dreams, not even as a chubby little Bunny in ballet class, did I think I would ever  see a national dance competition, let alone participate in one! Never. Not even when I was dancing four days a week all through high school. Never. And now I find myself not only in the company of some very talented, funny, fabulous, professional women, but I get to go to California--which I've never seen-- and I get to dance!?

There's just one catch. There always is. I won't be home for Thanksgiving. Most likely I will be traveling on Thanksgiving. I could handle it better if I were a single person but this is going to mean leaving my husband and my little three year old pilgrim. I don't go very far without one or the other of them--ever--let alone on a holiday. 

At first I thought maybe we'd make a little family vacation out of it. We'd do the dance competition and then drive to Disneyland and do a couple days there before heading home. It sounded good until Mr. Bedford pointed out that perhaps a longer flight on the busiest travel day of the year was not a good time for a three year old's first experience on a plane. Perhaps, also, a dance competition would not be the most "fun" father-son adventure while Mommy would be off rehearsing and such. So the family decision was made that I would go on an adventure to California, and the boys will be spending Thanksgiving at home with Grammy and the rest of the crew.

As a dancer, I'm elated. As a mom, I'm feeling a little guilty. I'm having trouble reconciling the two. The California trip also forced me to "come out of the closet" to my in-laws, seeing as I would be suspiciously absent from the Thanksgiving table. The conversation went well. I did have to explain what cabaret dance was a couple times, and where I was going and then what burlesque is and how it's different from cabaret--"Oh, so you're a stripper..." no, no, no... "you take your clothes off, that makes you a stripper...." Ok. I could have belabored the point but at that moment, floating around the swimming pool with three generations of in-law women, they seemed to be really accepting of my "being a stripper". 

And no one, surprisingly, took any issue with me spending time and money to go off on a trip; leaving my poor defenseless boys on a major family holiday with not even a pan of brownies to bring for the dessert table. By lunch time it was a non-issue; for everyone except me. I made Mr. Bedford promise that we could schedule our own Thanksgiving the weekend after--construction paper Indian headdresses and pilgrim hats and all. 

To top it off, I think we have a really good chance of winning the Cabaret Division! It's a huge step in the journey and a lovely unexpected opportunity. I really want to do well, for myself and my colleagues. I also want to do well for all the moms who'll be sneaking another beer while stirring the gravy, avoiding family members in the kitchen and wishing to go some place warm for a holiday, just once. 

Moving forward, using all my breath......

I thought I'd take a few minutes this morning while the boys are still sleeping to update everyone on the latest happenings in the world of Bunny! I have to say that the last couple of months have been an amazing, eye opening experience. So many unexpected opportunities have crossed my path and I hope to report back soon with positive news on all of them.

Today I am gearing up for a "One Day Burlesque Basics" workshop with the Philadelphia School of Burlesque.This is a workshop focusing on the history of the art form, classic movements AND pastie making--which I am particularly excited about because I haven't made a set yet. I  would like to make my own in the future. The class comes at a good time since I need to start preparing for the upcoming BOOlesque show at the Sherman Theater in Stroudsburg!

This show is going to be outrageous!! If you can make it, please come. I promise whatever Halloween weekend plans you have pale in comparison to how good this show is going to be. I am very excited to be included in the line up! Tickets can be purchased through Ticketmaster, so please check it out.

Throughout my daily comings and goings---grocery shopping, walking the dog, doing dishes, etc.---I've been drifting off into my own thoughts quite a bit. Happily I am able to report that where there has been fear, doubt and frustration many times; confidence, hopefulness and a clearer vision of who I am and who I want to be--aside from a mom, or a wife--are starting to bubble to the surface of my thought process. Its percolation is a powerful driving force to move forward, take bold steps and  surround myself with like-minded people.

I hope to share more and more good news with you soon!

I applied for the New York Burlesque Festival.....sort of....

Today I applied for the New York Burlesque Festival Star Search show. The top ten selected applicants perform live at the Star Search show, the top three get a performance slot at the NY Burlesque Festival and cash prize. A panel of judges and audience response determines the winners. This event is taking place in Asbury Park, New Jersey--a summertime stomping ground for a young Bunny Bedford. I have close family members within spitting distance!

In the last five to ten years there has been a major revitalization effort in Asbury Park. New businesses and nightlife on the boardwalk, cleaned up more family-friendly beaches with a great boardwalk spray park and beach playground, concert and performance venue rehab, etc. The area is beginning to resemble the once gated neighboring community of Ocean Grove.  Much of the facelift is due to the hard work and determination of the GLBT community and GLBT business owners. This community of people manages to find the "diamonds in the rough" all over this country and works hard to bring  the original charm and character back to the most neglected places. While there are many groups and funding sources that have come into Asbury Park---it all started with the gay community (in my opinion). The Burlesque community has also embraced it as a performance venue---and how could you not? It's got that whole haunted 1930's "it spot" thing going for it, a legendary rock-n-roll town between The Stone Pony and Convention Hall and the whole urban kitschy artsy vibe. You can stand on any street corner and witness the evolution (or devolution) of the town reflected in the architectural landscape. Peaks and valleys of crumbling, burnt out buildings next to high rise condos, boarded up beach shacks and Victorian mansions with gingerbread trim all leading to the sea. I contemplate moving there about every six months!

Anyway, it's funny how things come full circle. Here is the link to a blog post from last November all about my grandmother who raised her kids at the Jersey Shore and still lives there, and how I wanted to tell her about the whole burlesque thing because her heyday was the heyday of burlesque.

Myth, Legend, Grandmother

It would absolutely incredible to participate in this show as a performer and on a personal level. I think the chances of being accepted as one of the ten are slim to none. I will know by the end of July. I plan on attending either way. Maybe I'll invite my Grandmother......