Mom, I can see your keyword search to find me lol! I love you.
Hey, while you are here, check out this recent article in the Express Times!
http://www.lehighvalleylive.com/entertainment-general/index.ssf/2012/02/burlesque_is_back.html
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
The High Priestess of Self Talk
The Most High Voodoo Priestess of Self Talk is the one you need to watch for.
Not me or her across the room.
In your silent dragging across the kitchen floor, tea kettle whistling
She stands in silence beside you.
Her soft swirling whispers tugging at your ear,
while child tugging at your sleeve,
you are yet unaware of her consuming power.
A conjurer of heartache, pain and fear
she holds a mirror up to the face of others
--even to the face of God.
So wherever you look to condemn
you are seeing your own face.
The Most High Voodoo Priestess of Self Talk dances across a fire
the flames fanned by the same hands you fold in prayer
and wash away the dirt from your feet.
The singed edges of her skirt
will soon become your shroud
and maybe mine as well.
For she hides a pinch of salt and glowing ember between the ruffles of each heart.
Not me or her across the room.
In your silent dragging across the kitchen floor, tea kettle whistling
She stands in silence beside you.
Her soft swirling whispers tugging at your ear,
while child tugging at your sleeve,
you are yet unaware of her consuming power.
A conjurer of heartache, pain and fear
she holds a mirror up to the face of others
--even to the face of God.
So wherever you look to condemn
you are seeing your own face.
The Most High Voodoo Priestess of Self Talk dances across a fire
the flames fanned by the same hands you fold in prayer
and wash away the dirt from your feet.
The singed edges of her skirt
will soon become your shroud
and maybe mine as well.
For she hides a pinch of salt and glowing ember between the ruffles of each heart.
Friday, January 6, 2012
A little 2011, but really 2012
Hi. It's 2012. I could have done a big long year in review thing and gone paragraph by poorly constructed paragraph through each triumph, tribulation and hang nail of 2011 but I will spare you. Here is what I have for you instead:
2012 Goals
1. Continue to listen, learn and grow through the world of burlesque--wherever it chooses to take me.
2. Be a good mom and blah, blah, blah and stop cursing at the dog in front of my kid and be a good example and make the kid brush his teeth. Teach him to read, maybe...
3. Serious writing project using proper punctuation and grammar, maybe...
4. Make some fine art projects. Large in size.
Ok that's out of the way. Now on to something vastly more interesting and important. When I started this "project" at the end of last fall I was pretty much out there on my own. Aside from my theater training the best burlesque-specific education I could give myself was gleaned through hours sitting in front of YouTube, hours of reading and hours of practice in my bedroom, alone. And it was a lonely endeavor. I didn't have a support system, a mentor, a girlfriend to laugh along with me and give me a pep talk when I was feeling insecure. Me and my video camera. Hours of recording, reviewing, rethinking---all for a shot at three minutes on the stage.
While I felt accomplished last year, I know I would have made even greater strides ifI had access to 1. real education and 2. real support. Peer support and peer review are two of the most valuable tools in learning any new skill. This is why I am so incredibly proud and honored to have Jacqueline Hyde bring her International School of Burlesque and Cabaret Arts to Jim Thorpe Arts in Motion.
Burlesque is a vehicle for women's empowerment for sure-- on many levels. It allows for playful exploration of sexuality, gender roles, definitions of beauty, power struggles, contradictions in popular culture and so on and so on. Burlesque is female driven and artist driven. It's one of the few art forms I know of where the performer can take on the role of director, producer, marketing agent, writer, costumer, instructor, choreographer and jump between these roles with relative ease--although with no lack of stress!
As I write this, the Master's Program students are preparing for their first pin up photo shoot with a professional photographer tomorrow morning. They have worked over the last twelve weeks to develop personas, learn costume construction, stage makeup, movement technqiue, professionalism, the history of burlesque and cabaret, etc., etc., everything I had to teach myself huddled in front of my computer late at night. Not only do they have a world class mentor and instructor in Jacqueline Hyde, but they have one of the greatest contributing factors to success--eachother!
Ms. Hyde could take her program to any location with success, and with the launch of online classes, she will. I think by being in the right place at the right time this past year, I have contributed in a small way, to the continuing story of what burlesque was, is and will be. Bigger than my own "project", or this blog, or whatever aspirations I have for myself--providing a space for education, empowerment and friendships is my biggest accomplishment of 2011.
In celebration of their achievements, Jacqueline Hyde is presenting The Burlesque Graduate on Saturday, February 18th, 2012 at Memorial Hall in Jim Thorpe. This is a night of tassels and tease featuring performances by each of the graduates as well as special appearances by Dragontown Burlesque! Please join me in congratulating each of these women by attending.
I wish everyone health, happiness and prosperity in 2012 and am so excited to see where the "Full Frontal Mom" will go this year. Thanks for reading!
2012 Goals
1. Continue to listen, learn and grow through the world of burlesque--wherever it chooses to take me.
2. Be a good mom and blah, blah, blah and stop cursing at the dog in front of my kid and be a good example and make the kid brush his teeth. Teach him to read, maybe...
3. Serious writing project using proper punctuation and grammar, maybe...
4. Make some fine art projects. Large in size.
Ok that's out of the way. Now on to something vastly more interesting and important. When I started this "project" at the end of last fall I was pretty much out there on my own. Aside from my theater training the best burlesque-specific education I could give myself was gleaned through hours sitting in front of YouTube, hours of reading and hours of practice in my bedroom, alone. And it was a lonely endeavor. I didn't have a support system, a mentor, a girlfriend to laugh along with me and give me a pep talk when I was feeling insecure. Me and my video camera. Hours of recording, reviewing, rethinking---all for a shot at three minutes on the stage.
While I felt accomplished last year, I know I would have made even greater strides ifI had access to 1. real education and 2. real support. Peer support and peer review are two of the most valuable tools in learning any new skill. This is why I am so incredibly proud and honored to have Jacqueline Hyde bring her International School of Burlesque and Cabaret Arts to Jim Thorpe Arts in Motion.
Burlesque is a vehicle for women's empowerment for sure-- on many levels. It allows for playful exploration of sexuality, gender roles, definitions of beauty, power struggles, contradictions in popular culture and so on and so on. Burlesque is female driven and artist driven. It's one of the few art forms I know of where the performer can take on the role of director, producer, marketing agent, writer, costumer, instructor, choreographer and jump between these roles with relative ease--although with no lack of stress!
As I write this, the Master's Program students are preparing for their first pin up photo shoot with a professional photographer tomorrow morning. They have worked over the last twelve weeks to develop personas, learn costume construction, stage makeup, movement technqiue, professionalism, the history of burlesque and cabaret, etc., etc., everything I had to teach myself huddled in front of my computer late at night. Not only do they have a world class mentor and instructor in Jacqueline Hyde, but they have one of the greatest contributing factors to success--eachother!
Ms. Hyde could take her program to any location with success, and with the launch of online classes, she will. I think by being in the right place at the right time this past year, I have contributed in a small way, to the continuing story of what burlesque was, is and will be. Bigger than my own "project", or this blog, or whatever aspirations I have for myself--providing a space for education, empowerment and friendships is my biggest accomplishment of 2011.
In celebration of their achievements, Jacqueline Hyde is presenting The Burlesque Graduate on Saturday, February 18th, 2012 at Memorial Hall in Jim Thorpe. This is a night of tassels and tease featuring performances by each of the graduates as well as special appearances by Dragontown Burlesque! Please join me in congratulating each of these women by attending.
I wish everyone health, happiness and prosperity in 2012 and am so excited to see where the "Full Frontal Mom" will go this year. Thanks for reading!
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Blog about blogging and the fact that blog is such an unattractive word and the future
This is a blog post about a blog and me feeling self conscious about writing a blog post about a blog that's about me---primarily. Wondering what direction this is going in for 2012, if any, or if I should be focusing attention elsewhere...hhmmmm.
Trying to tamp down the impending holiday funk.
Trying, as always, to look forward to the coming year with hopeful, lighthearted anticipation. Trying.
I'm either ending this project in order to focus on a more substantial writing piece--with like, grammar and stuff-- or I'm ending this project in order to free up some head space or.....I don't know....I'm not ending it?
I'm not sure where in me this lives right now and so it feels very awkward....just sayin'
Just putting that out there in the land of people blogging about blogs about themselves and reading other peoples blogs about themselves and then blogging about those people's blogs
blog is such a gross word
maybe I should just go to bed
contemplating the attempt to move forward into deeper subject matter on a more regular basis without feeling like a narcissistic douche (yeah I said douche), if possible, or just to post pictures of random women in mom jeans or both......or neither...
God I hate Sunday nights.
Trying to tamp down the impending holiday funk.
Trying, as always, to look forward to the coming year with hopeful, lighthearted anticipation. Trying.
I'm either ending this project in order to focus on a more substantial writing piece--with like, grammar and stuff-- or I'm ending this project in order to free up some head space or.....I don't know....I'm not ending it?
I'm not sure where in me this lives right now and so it feels very awkward....just sayin'
Just putting that out there in the land of people blogging about blogs about themselves and reading other peoples blogs about themselves and then blogging about those people's blogs
blog is such a gross word
maybe I should just go to bed
contemplating the attempt to move forward into deeper subject matter on a more regular basis without feeling like a narcissistic douche (yeah I said douche), if possible, or just to post pictures of random women in mom jeans or both......or neither...
God I hate Sunday nights.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
The Opinion of One "Hobbyist"
So there has been all this interesting conversation buzzing around the world of burlesque lately about professionalism and credibility and so on and so forth that I wanted to take a minute to toss my hat into the ring. I'll preface what I am about to write with this statement:
1. I am an aspiring burlesque artists with a strong arts background and education. I do not consider myself a "professional" by the current definition of the word.
2. I am new to this scene. I get it; however, I think being new affords me a bit of a fresh perspective than perhaps those who have been entrenched for the last however many years.
3. I'm not trying to piss anyone off or offend anyone--I would simply like to add to this conversation.
We need to discuss the cultural myth called "talent" and how we use this word/concept to critique and value others. There is a common cultural misconception that "talent" is some kind of have or have not quality. Brain research tells us is simply not true. Human beings have been singing, dancing and creating art for millenia. We are all born with the potential to sing in tune, move with accurate rhythm and feel and share joy creating "entertainment". This intelligence is spread normally among our general population as any other intelligence is.
1. I am an aspiring burlesque artists with a strong arts background and education. I do not consider myself a "professional" by the current definition of the word.
2. I am new to this scene. I get it; however, I think being new affords me a bit of a fresh perspective than perhaps those who have been entrenched for the last however many years.
3. I'm not trying to piss anyone off or offend anyone--I would simply like to add to this conversation.
We need to discuss the cultural myth called "talent" and how we use this word/concept to critique and value others. There is a common cultural misconception that "talent" is some kind of have or have not quality. Brain research tells us is simply not true. Human beings have been singing, dancing and creating art for millenia. We are all born with the potential to sing in tune, move with accurate rhythm and feel and share joy creating "entertainment". This intelligence is spread normally among our general population as any other intelligence is.
84% of the general population has the ability to sing in tune and move with accurate rhythm.
What does that mean? It means that expression of inner potential + diligent practice = talent. People don't know this and so they think visibility + money + flashy stuff = talent and going forward, visibility + money + flashy stuff = professional and so the definition of talent and professional become synonymous and both are wrong.
Perhaps if we could redefine our notions of "talent" and "professional" in the world of burlesque to embody something a little more accurate and therefore a little more encompassing--we would feel less of a need to divide into the "professional" team and the "hobbyist" team.
My definition of professional:
Showing up on time
Being prepared
Being courteous
An active listener
Adaptable and able to rebound if something unexpected or unintended happens
Understanding the greater good and the real divine purpose of what it's about--engaging the customer/audience
Notice I said nothing about monetary compensation or full time dedication to the pursuit of burlesque. In my opinion, calling oneself a professional relates to the quality of work and attitude carried through performance and not how much or if you are being paid. It is a reflection of how I carry myself and not how others choose to categorize me. I consider myself a professional by this definition because it indicates that you are going to receive my best work on that day--whether you compensate me with money or not and regardless of your personal knowledge of me. And not for nothin'---but a free meal, a drink, the opportunity to work with you again, a favor when needed is compensation in my book. Don't get me wrong, I would like to be paid money too but to me money is a bonus. The highest compensation an artist can ask for is the feedback from their audience. If I get paid $5 an act or $50 an act but the audience isn't interested--who cares? You will never hear a true artist say "Yeah I'm gonna go phone this one in I don't really give a shit about these people, I just want my $50". Right? You would be appalled and offended at such talk.
So why equate $$ with professionalism? Why give "amateurs" money as a benchmark of quality? I know this doesn't address the needs or concerns of those who rely on their art to pay their bills but all I can say to that is ---who said we should all be able to do that? Many people have to get second jobs to pay their bills outside the world of art. What if the audience (who is really our boss) decided directly how much we were going to get paid? That would probably level this playing field quickly. It's not a realistic endeavor. Kudos to you if you are making it work but don't devalue my professionalism because I CHOOSE not to do the same.
Not everyone wants to be a full time artist regardless of money. I CHOSE to get married, start my family, work in education, pay off my tremendous debt for studying art, buy a house and get a little life experience before making time to pursue art because I knew then that I would be 1. Happy 2. a better artist. I don't have the pressure of feeding my son from burlesque and therefore it allows me to study more, think more, create more and up the level of my work before I put it out there. Hopefully it carries forward to what the audience experiences. And newsflash: just because I am not dedicated to this particular art form full time does not mean that I am some kind of disrespectful wannabe--it means I have other priorities and interests. So please do not put me in a catch all category.
It doesn't matter if my audience is every weekend at a dive bar, a symphony hall, a private party or a festival I participate in once a year. If the quality of my work is good and I have been compensated by the audience than that is what matters most. If that makes me a "hobbyist" (which by current definition lumps together a whole lot of different people) and being a "hobbyist" somehow carries a negative connotation--I don't really care. The audience doesn't care about how many dance classes I am currently taking or how much I'm being paid or even that I write this blog. They care if I have opened the door for our shared experience.
Being an artist and being an arts based business person are related but different things. There seems to be alot of grey area on this in the world of burlesque--and everyone knows someone who is a great artist and a terrible business person and vice versa. There has to be, I think, at some point a separation in these two things in order for an art form to survive. When you start drawing lines in the sand of who is and who isn't and what is and what is not you may be increasing business value but you may also be interrupting the natural progression of where the art itself is going. No one person or group can control the cycle of art and no one can control the ever changing sensibilities of the audience or what pop culture is feeding us. So I think it may be unrealistic to revolve an entire career around this and to create benchmarks for artists based on that.
It doesn't matter if the audience is 10 of my friends of 1,000 of New York City's most elite--they all deserve the same level of work and those who deliver on that are the true professionals. The audience doesn't really care about titles, trophies, or competitions. The audience doesn't care if I work at rite aid. The audience doesn't care if I got paid in peanuts or $100 bills. The audience doesn't care if I'm a "hobbyist". Paying undue attention to some of those things serves as entertainment to a very small audience---eachother.
Friday, November 4, 2011
BOOlesque 2011 Video!!
Hi. I have a video to share with you :) Real communication coming soon. Sorry I have been away. Life has gotten wonderful and scary and so interesting and I can't wait to tell you all about it but some other things have just been keeping me so busy. And today there is no milk, eggs, juice, toilet paper or (gasp!) half and half in my entire house! So I gotta get my head out of the clouds and get back to being a domestic for a bit.
Please take a moment to check out the hard work of my colleagues and myself. Dragontown Burlesque is Jacqueline Hyde, Venus Mantrapp and myself. This is our debut number as this troupe at October's BOOlesque show! We are already starting rehearsals for the 2012 Pennsylvania Burlesque Festival! Details to come.
Dragontown Burlesque October 2011 at the Sherman Theater
Please take a moment to check out the hard work of my colleagues and myself. Dragontown Burlesque is Jacqueline Hyde, Venus Mantrapp and myself. This is our debut number as this troupe at October's BOOlesque show! We are already starting rehearsals for the 2012 Pennsylvania Burlesque Festival! Details to come.
Dragontown Burlesque October 2011 at the Sherman Theater
Monday, October 10, 2011
Walking on hot coals. Digging through my purse.
I'm writing this now simply because it is a notation on a "to do" list that I will soon be able to check off. I never though I'd say that about this particular "side project" but it's the general fate of many different aspects, moments, obligations, events in my life these days. Whittled down to bullet points, hash marks, scribbled, rewritten, revised notations on scraps of papers folded and tamped down in the bottom of my purse. Down in the seams and frayed corners of the lining where little mounds of cigarette tobacco and musty blackened pennies used to live now dwells much of my sense of self.
How about that!? And you thought I wasn't going to write this anymore, didn't you? So did/do I. I don't know what I'm doing at the moment. I'm lost. I'm stuck somewhere between the beginning and end and am not sure which way to turn--not out of fear or anger but honest frustration and confusion. I am distracted and because of this I feel ineffectual in every aspect of my life.
The studio is coming along and some of the classes have started and some more are going to start in November, which I should be and on some level am, excited about and proud of. Within the next couple of months I hope to have some kind of perspective on the whole thing--a slow motion-fist pump in the air-moment of triumph where self-doubt, anxiety and general fucking bleh melt away into the storm drain and I am left standing under the shining lamp post of my new day.
But as for right now, I'm an aspiring stripper who works with children, a stay-at-home mom who owns a business, a "CEO" without a paycheck, etc., etc., Trust me I'm really not complaining, I can't complain because I willingly brought it all on myself. I think I'm going through a little identity crisis or something. I've been home with my son for three and a half years and finally got into the groove of domesticity and made ultimate peace with not having a personal source of income. Now I've jumped head first into starting a small business in a horrible economy and all I think about is budgeting: time, money, and self.
I'm accustomed to describing myself as a stay-at-home mom and now I'm not sure where I fit. That may sounds silly--it does--but it's bothering me. It's not like I'm forging any kind of new frontier. Women take care of their kids and have side businesses or other sources of income all the time. It's multitasking on a new level--matchsticks to hot coals.
I don't know if I'm going to be good at this. That's the issue. How do I know? What will it feel like? I'm a person who takes very calculated risks---I never "wing it" or "leave it in God's hands". I'm tired and frustrated and distracted and unsure--which seems to be the scary bit. Unsure. Being self-assured is a survival skill for me and I have crafted it over time--not cocky--confident in my abilities and perceived limitations and doing my personal best based on that.
Now I can cross this off my list. Sorry.
How about that!? And you thought I wasn't going to write this anymore, didn't you? So did/do I. I don't know what I'm doing at the moment. I'm lost. I'm stuck somewhere between the beginning and end and am not sure which way to turn--not out of fear or anger but honest frustration and confusion. I am distracted and because of this I feel ineffectual in every aspect of my life.
The studio is coming along and some of the classes have started and some more are going to start in November, which I should be and on some level am, excited about and proud of. Within the next couple of months I hope to have some kind of perspective on the whole thing--a slow motion-fist pump in the air-moment of triumph where self-doubt, anxiety and general fucking bleh melt away into the storm drain and I am left standing under the shining lamp post of my new day.
But as for right now, I'm an aspiring stripper who works with children, a stay-at-home mom who owns a business, a "CEO" without a paycheck, etc., etc., Trust me I'm really not complaining, I can't complain because I willingly brought it all on myself. I think I'm going through a little identity crisis or something. I've been home with my son for three and a half years and finally got into the groove of domesticity and made ultimate peace with not having a personal source of income. Now I've jumped head first into starting a small business in a horrible economy and all I think about is budgeting: time, money, and self.
I'm accustomed to describing myself as a stay-at-home mom and now I'm not sure where I fit. That may sounds silly--it does--but it's bothering me. It's not like I'm forging any kind of new frontier. Women take care of their kids and have side businesses or other sources of income all the time. It's multitasking on a new level--matchsticks to hot coals.
I don't know if I'm going to be good at this. That's the issue. How do I know? What will it feel like? I'm a person who takes very calculated risks---I never "wing it" or "leave it in God's hands". I'm tired and frustrated and distracted and unsure--which seems to be the scary bit. Unsure. Being self-assured is a survival skill for me and I have crafted it over time--not cocky--confident in my abilities and perceived limitations and doing my personal best based on that.
Now I can cross this off my list. Sorry.
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