1. During my time away from mommyhood and burlesque I teach a very small early education movement and music program. I teach in semesters and rent space here and there as I can afford it. I was scrambling for a place this summer and ended up in an empty storefront.
2.The storefront had real potential but knew I could not afford to keep it going myself and thought it would be good to have someone rent it with me. I had no clue who that would be.
3. Jacqueline Hyde (whom I had the pleasure of meeting at the Jim Thorpe Burlesque Festival) approached me about participating in Cross Country Cabaret Project (you know about this if you read my last post) and was looking for local rehearsal space--oh, wait I'm renting an empty store front.....
4. Then after alot of emails, phone calls, list making, midnight pacing, credit card charges, internet searching, text messages, credit card charges, bank transactions, nail biting, diarrhea, daydreaming, credit card charges, fireside chats, picture taking, bouts of anxiety and credit card charges later..
I don't know if I'm a genius or I did too many whippets that summer in college but either way the "full frontal mom" is adding business owner to her list of credentials and of course, not without the help of some really wonderful people who will be teaching at the studio this fall as well. I'm equally excited, frustrated and terrified. To me this indicates it's worth taking on.
I want JTAIM, as I've been abbreviating it, to be a success. It should be the type of space where the participants and teachers feel comfortable enough to try new things. They should feel supported but not pushed. I'd like on any given day of the week there to be a variety of things going on from the early education program I teach, to burlesque and cabaret arts (click here now!) , to yoga, to writing, stand up comedy, etc., ect. We are starting small but there is so much potential for growth.
For being an "arts" community I don't see the art involving much of the local community or challenging it in any way to participate. I would like JTAIM to bridge that gap. I think the community is ready and willing for something different, a mix of classes and experiences that are meant to get people feeling good about themselves and in touch with their own creativity. A place where their kids can come and be introduced to music and dance without becoming a "toddlers in tiaras" cliche. No crappy Waiting for Guffman style community theater, no recitals that go on all afternoon, no clique-ie gym locker room. Just art, expression, health, discovery, joy, support, learning--those are the things I wish for people.
Of course, this means big changes in my personal life. I guess I'm going back to work--I wasn't planning on doing that for at least two more years. My somewhat separate lives are going to converge---mom, business owner, teacher, stripper under one roof and very much in public. Regardless of the studio this is ideally how things should be. I want to be who I am on all fronts---anything less is starting to feel like a big lie.
I daydream about the studio being a success and about people embracing the idea of all it could be and hopefully will be. I want my family to be proud of me. I want my husband to say "there goes my wife, did you know she owns her own business AND she's the greatest mom in the world AND she's a burlesque dancer?" I want people to feel empowered by the idea of being a "full frontal mom" rather than making any unfair assumptions. On a good day this is where the Little Engine that Could is headed.
On the days when my "to do" list didn't get done, when I didn't read enough with my son or made sure he ate enough vegetables, or when I let fear creep into my vocabulary, I sit in the bathroom and cry for a while. The truth of it is--my "to do" list has never been done, you can never read enough and I dare you to find a three year old boy who wouldn't rather have a marshmallow than eat his broccoli.
I am so proud of you! This is wonderful!!!!!!
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