Corset, Pasties, Pole and Fruitcake?

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! Santa was good enough to send me my corset, gloves and pasties in the mail this week plus my pole came!!! I have the pleasure of  a couple hours to myself today which I plan on spending on this blog and my burlesque routine and ya know, housework if I get to it.

As of last night the pole is up and fully functional! I spent the better part of the evening putting it together, spacing it out on the floor, finding a stud in the ceiling, etc., all "assisted" by a very over excited and curious two year old itching to help. I kept trying to refer to it as "mommy's exercise machine". I don't even want to use the word pole because I am sure my little echo is discussing it with his Grammy right now. I'm just not ready to answer any questions. I got the X-Pole XPert 2-inch static and spinning in titanium. It's no joke. This is the real deal--not just for home enthusiasts. The best part is it comes with extensions for different ceiling heights and is pressure-mounted--nothing to screw in. So when I'm ready I can take it on the road!!! I gave it a good work out for about an hour and a half (my right shin can prove it) and it still needs to be leveled a little better but all in all I'm very satisfied. I also tried it a couple of times on spin mode and almost puked! It's like a carnival ride. Basically by loosening a couple screws at the base, that are designed for this, you can make the outer tube of the pole spin while the inner tube stays stationary. So when I spin my rotation is a lot faster and longer but you have to have really good control--otherwise it's like being on a tilt-a-whirl. It kind of reminds me of the Seinfeld episode when George's father denounces Christmas and adopts "A Festivus for the Rest of Us"--the only decoration being a shiny metal pole. Maybe Santa will slide down my pole instead of the chimney this year!

As soon as the package arrived this week I raced upstairs and tore off the cellophane encasing my corset, gloves, etc. I'll say this--it's very hard to properly lace and put on a corset by yourself--but no less comical. After a few minutes, standing topless cursing in front of the bedroom mirror, I managed to get the damn thing on. It fits---I guess. The difficult thing for me in buying any type of clothing these days is that my hip measurement does not match my bust and waist. In order to accommodate my hips I should really go up a size; however, then nothing fits in the bust and I get a droopy waist. Luckily corsets offer a little wiggle room because they are tightened and loosened with laces up the back. The one I purchased is even better because it zippers on the side--a little cheat by purists standards--but tough shit.

 I've worn a corset before but it was a period costume which laced differently. They have one long "shoe lace" that tightens all the way down  and is tied in a bow at the bottom--at least the ones I wore did. This one has two sets of laces that meet eachother in the middle of my back and each get tied in a bow or the four ends are tied together in one bow. So picture, if you will, a topless Bunny trying to tighten the top only to loosen the bottom half and vice versa. Very frustrating. I finally got it. It has light boning in it (vertical rods that give the corset structure and shape) but is made of a stretchier material. Thank God, because Mr. Bunny brought me home some fruitcake the other day. One of my most favorite foods in the world! In fact, for my last meal I'll probably request some kind of sushi roll, steak medium rare and fruitcake and plain egg nogg for dessert. Now I have to make sure I don't eat the blessed thing in one sitting! I've been known to go through a whole fruitcake in a 24-hour period. I can't afford it at all this year--but I digress. I may need cheese fries at my last meal too--or gravy fries!!!! Anyway....

 If I continue work with the corset I can get it adjusted to where I want it. Really you should go to someone who specializes in corset making and get measured, fitted and laced properly. I could probably close it all the way if I was going to stand in one spot and take small breaths all day. Instead I am going to sew in a modesty panel. Simply put, it's a piece of material that sits under the laces in the back--this way there is no bare skin showing and the laces won't leave red marks on my back. If you've ever worn a pretty cami under a low cut shirt, you're creating a modesty panel. Most well-made real-deal corsets have something like that---this is just an inexpensive one I bought on the internet.

More important than getting the damned thing on is getting it off in a graceful, timely fashion--in front of an audience. That is why I had the forethought to get one with a zipper. Not traditional but this way if I get a little tripped up on the laces in back (which I can comfortably reach around to) I can still unzip and get out of it on the side. It fits nicely under my dress as well. Let's hope my fruitcake ass does too.

Class went well this week. I continued to work on the choreography Maria gave me, but between us, I'm not completely sold on it. I think now that I can practice at home I will modify it a bit to my tastes.  I am concerned, though, that the pole piece will not be ready for performance any time soon. I'm not joking ladies, it's hard work and I have high standards for myself. Maria mentioned that she is having a Valentine's showcase in February. She encourages her students to perform at her showcases. I may do it. I think I will feel safer in an environment where I am expected to be a student--at least with pole. Like I've said before, the pole dancing is a side step from Mrs. Bunny's original goal. So with that being said, I am off to practice some burlesque bump and grinds!